Divorce Tore My Life Apart this Week

• Posted: September 6, 2008
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• Author: Adam
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• Filed under: Divorce Stories
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• Tags: divorce, friendship, great sex, older guy

This divorce story was submitted by "Jill" a twist on the personal divorce story....Thank you for posting this Jill.

My story is a little different – I’ve never been divorced.  I’ve never even been married.  Even my parents are married.  Still, though, divorce tore my life apart this week.

He was the guy that I had a crush on in junior high – the older guy that was so cool and so out of my league.  It was the kind of crush that everyone knew about and thought was cute but that nobody (myself and him included) never thought would come to anything.  He was a bad boy and I was a good girl.  We were part of the same circle of friends, so we stayed in touch somewhat after he graduated from high school, and I was thrilled when he agreed to go to the Christmas semi-formal with me.  He broke my 15-year-old heart when he didn’t show up, so much so that it was no comfort when he called the next day to ask when he should pick me up – he had legitimately gotten the day wrong.  I was crushed, I stopped speaking to him, and he was sorry, but, I had stopped speaking to him so there wasn’t really anything he could do about it.  In time, I moved away to college, then moved across the country for a job, and he got married.  I remember seeing his wedding announced in the paper and feeling a little sadness, but he had been out of my life for so long that it didn’t register much.

He said that he can’t be in a relationship with anybody right now or for a long time – because he’s still in love with his ex-wife.

Fast forward 8 years or so and I heard from him online.  I had moved back to my hometown by this time.  He had recently gotten separated and we got together.  It was kind of a lark for me – great sex with the guy that I had such a crush on, but I knew that the boy and the situation was a mess.  It continued for a short while, but when I stopped hearing from him I wasn’t surprised and not very upset.  About six or eight months later, though, I heard from him again.  The divorce was in its final stages and we tentatively started a friendship.  We started spending more time together and it got physical again, but things moved slowly and I could see him getting distance from his ex-wife, so I felt good about it.  We were great together, and I was content for our relationship to inch along.

Surprisingly, though, I got a job that required me to move across the country again.  It was sad leaving him and at first I thought that my moving would mean that we would just drift apart.  Instead, though, we kept talking – and I missed him like hell.  He told me the same thing, and as things continued, I decided that we needed to have an honest discussion about what we each wanted.  Neither of us are great communicators, so I wrote to him to kind of give him fair warning that I wanted to talk about this the next time I’m visiting him – which is next week.  The response that I got shocked me.  He said that he can’t be in a relationship with anybody right now or for a long time – because he’s still in love with his ex-wife.  I’m still numb.  I prepared myself for him saying that he hasn’t healed, that he’s not ready to trust anybody, that he doesn’t trust himself to be good for somebody else, but I never thought that he still loves her.  Reading his message, two years now after they separated, I don’t know if he’ll ever be okay, and I know that I have to move on.  I’m heartbroken – as much for him as by him.

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