Is your perception helping you or hurting you?

• Posted: September 21, 2008
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• Author: Adam
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• Filed under: Divorce Discussions
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• Tags: perception

I was on a run today thinking back to the time when I was first thrown into my divorce. How am I different now, what events changed me. They say that hindsight is 20/20. It really is. As I look back I see how I got from "there" to "here" and will continue with these topics. Here is a true story of perception.

True story.

I love hockey. I played in many men’s leagues and I attend Kings games regularly. The state of the Kings as a hockey team is the subject for a “losing hockey team support blog”, not here; however, a game I attended very shortly after she moved out is the subject of this blog.

I have a good buddy that has season tickets to the LA Kings, for many years I have been splitting the seats with him. We make a point to go to a few games a month together, the rest of the season we take friends, family, and whomever is willing to sit through a game. About a month after I started the lonely journey of my divorce, I had a game on the calendar with buddy Ben. We usually meet up at the Figueroa Hotel for a beer, shoot the crap. then walk over to Staples to see the game. I’m not myself. I am so needy for my friends and to just be out with someone, somewhere, around people it is insane. It is death to be alone…

I’m at the Fig by myself at the bar. Fortunately I know the bar tender, he is a really cool German guy and we always have something to say to each other. He pulls out a picture of a really cute Japanese girl and tells me the story of how they met on the internet, like i really care right now. Where the hell is Ben! I walk out of the bar to the pool so I can make a call. Ben, what’s up man? Where are you. What do you mean where am I Adam? I’m heading to dinner with Kristy, why? Ben, are you shitting me? We have a game!!! Oh my god, I am so sorry, I totally spaced out…and I have the ticket at my office….so sorry man! There is no way I can make it there…sorry bro!

I’m alone. I’m downtown LA all alone. I’ve never been to a game alone! How lame is that? What will people think? What a loser. Wait, I am a loser…my wife left me and I am alone without a friend at the Kings game. I am alone at a bar, having a beer, alone downtown, alone with one damn hockey ticket. This is just great!

Go home. Wait, why should i go home? I want to see the game! But I’m such a loser! I can’t walk in there alone and sit by myself. What will people think. Come on Adam, figure this out, go home and be more of a loser, or go to the damn game alone. Pretty crazy the thoughts that go though your head. Why did I care what others will think?

What do you think I ended up doing? I ended up leaving the bar as to not be a drinking loser. I walked a few blocks to the Library and did something I have never done before…checked out the Los Angeles Central Library. As I was walking it dawned on me that this is my life now, live it and enjoy it. I also decided that I would go to the game alone, and not give a crap what anyone would think. Once in the game I ran into some friends, told them the story of being here alone and how freaked out I was, we all laugh about it. I forced myself to go against what I was feeling and what I thought others were seeing and I ended up having a GREAT night. After the game we ended up with a group of people I had never met before, eating Korean BBQ in K-Town.

On my solo drive home that night,  I was glowing inside from the nights turn of events. I realized then that my perception of my new life was all backwards. I was worried about what others may think, instead of concentrating on what I think. As I look back I can say that this night was the starting line of my journey to the other side of divorce. I mapped out in my mind how to get from “here” to “there”. I am going to complete my next post on getting from “here” to “there”. It is really quite simple.

Think a bit about your own perception of life, your actions, and others actions. Is this perception helping you or hurting you. You see from my experience mine was hurting me, holding me back if you will. Imagine if I gave into my fear and just went home. I would miss out on life as it unfolded in front of me! It takes great inner strength to go against what you perceive. But I urge you to examine exactly what it is you are perceiving and why. Are you motivated for success and action or are you holding back!

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