farfromfearless
Funny Divorce Quotes
Hi, everyone, I’m Sara! I am a good friend of Adam’s and I will be helping out with whatever the group is interested in. I personally have not gone through a divorce, to be honest I’ve never even been married. But it seems like all my friends and boyfriends have been through it…which makes me unsure about the whole marriage kit-and-kaboodle to begin with. So, while I have plenty of mortifying dating stories I could share, there’s no divorce story (but, hey, I’m optimistic!). I’m also not a divorce expert and would never try to claim that; but I’m completely supportive of what Adam is doing and hopefully I’ll be an asset to this community. One thing I do believe is that the stigma of divorce in our society is morally wrong. I’ll probably make someone somewhere angry about that, but I think it is patently unfair to judge people for not being able to…let’s see…predict the future. Nobody sets out to fail. Everyone tries their best. I really believe that. We’re just too obsessed with permanence and perfection. Adam told me a long time ago that I can’t beat myself up for mistakes. That’s because sometimes mistakes are blessings in disguise, and sometimes seemingly good things cause problems down the road. And there’s simply no way to know in advance. To beat yourself up for events out of your control is to hold yourself responsible for the universe. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to fix what goes wrong, or take responsibility for choices, but enough with the self-judgment! As a serial perfectionist, one thing I can say is that beating yourself up never does any good. We were never supposed to be perfect.
Something I’d like to share, that I feel I can contribute, is the occasional humorous post to give everyone some much-needed comic relief. (No? You don’t need it? Of course you need it!) Whether it’s the craziest divorce stories or funny quotes like you’re about to read, consider me the silver lining on that giant cloud of alimony. I will also be working on researching and reviewing the best divorce support resources for everyone to weigh in on.
But enough about resources. Just take a look at some of the funniest and most famous (or maybe just infamous) divorce quotes:
The happiest time of anyone’s life is just after the first divorce. – Anonymous
If you think you have trouble supporting a wife, try not supporting her. – Anonymous
My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That’s what happens when you haven’t been home in eighteen years. – Lee Travino
One reason people get divorced is that they run out of gift ideas. – Anonymous
She got the gold mine, I got the shaft. – Jerry Reed
Ah, yes, divorce … from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet. – Robin Williams
You don’t know a women till you’ve met her in court. – Norman Mailer
I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something’s wrong with me.
- Elayne Boosler
Love, the quest; marriage, the conquest; divorce, the inquest. – Helen Rowland
The only solid and lasting peace between a man and his wife is, doubtless, a separation. – Lord Chesterfield
Being divorced is like being hit by a Mack truck – if you survive you start looking very carefully to the right and left. – Anonymous
I’m an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, any more than a good mortician wants to finish his job and then have the patient sit up on the table. – Time Magazine
I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house. – Lewis Grizzard.
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always. – Anonymous
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it. – Henny Youngman
Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash. – Anonymous
Just another of our many disagreements. He wants a no-fault divorce, whereas I would prefer to have the bastard crucified. – J.B. Handlesman
She cried, and the judge wiped her tears with my checkbook. (married 13 times, to 11 women)
- Tommy Manville
A lot of people have asked me how short I am. Since my last divorce, I think I’m about $100, 000 short. – Mickey Rooney
Divorce is a declaration of independence with only two signers. – Gerard Lieberman
Like I said, I’ve got too much respect for women to marry them, but that doesn’t mean you can’t support them emotionally and financially. – Sylvester Stallone
You can’t stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat. – Mike Tyson
Sources:
I bet there are some folks here who could give those quotes a run for the money. Let’s hear yours!
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Last 5 posts in Features
- Divorced man marries couple, film at 11:00 | You may now kiss the bride! - April 27th, 2009
- Now Drive Me Far. I Don't Care Where, Just Far. - April 11th, 2009
- Jeremy Lusk | Divorce sometimes is not the only thing that separates us - February 10th, 2009
- This is not a divorce story, it is a history story! - February 4th, 2009
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7 people have left comments
Janine said:
After a 14 year marriage and a 7 year old son, I chose in my early 40′s to divorce my husband. We had a great thing for a long time and I will always cherish that. We have divorced on really good terms. I left him everything since I chose to leave and we share custody of our son. There is a great book out there called The Good Divorce by a woman author. We both read it. It helped us through our divorce. We are good friends and hope we will always be. Marriage is like a book, chapters change and the book always ends. Maybe with the ending we like or maybe not. Life presents the opportunity for growth either way.
Madelyn Logie said:
Divorce is like butter its really sweet at first then you leave it there for a while and it goes bad
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