This Divorce Story Was Therapy for the Author

• Posted: October 18, 2008
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• Author: Adam
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• Filed under: Divorce Stories
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• Tags: divorce stories

This divorce story was submitted by "Latresa" it started off as a thank you to her husband for being what she felt a jerk, but became much more….... Thank you for posting this Latresa, it is beautiful!

This isn’t an angry story this is how i felt years later, as the chapters in my book from a divorce started to close.. this was originally written as a thank you for betrayal but ended up being a little therapy for me as i reflected on my years of struggle, growth, love, me, ad my child and everything i do in my life now feels right always.

Divorce is ugly i faced mine alone i live in the east coast and my family resides in the midwest i didn’t want to go back home as a failure. with the help of my daughter i woke up as a new person.. everyone of us falls, is betrayed, feels sad, worn out, and somethime just bad. You can grieve and keep it moving or be bitter forever, i know at times it breaks you down into more than you could ever feel i felt that pain i felt depressed, i felt a lot of hurt, but at the beginning of my day and end i was a single mom now i had to get over it and pick myself up or try to..i got knocked down a lot i continue to fall i also continue to get back up. this almost thank you to the dum dum ex husband somehow became a bit of motivation, and success for me. Pain is inevitable, noone in the world is without it.

I couldn’t be—
White
Jewish
Quiet
Afraid
And strong enough for the same ole…
subservient
I unfortunately was lost (trying to fit in with you and your family)
Sad (that racism still exists, you should fight for me, not cheat on me)
Not myself ( I was lost trying to be what you wanted, and I needed to be who I was and am)
And not fighting for what I could be or even wanted to be..
It couldn’t be so easy as black or white, as we are and were me (black) you (white)
It was one or the other, but what we created together was the most perfect shade of gray…
We were only meant to be with each other enough for a beginning, without ever an end… the gray will be a forever part of who I am which is our beginning and end….
I’m sure your family is happy with the other, and  now we all as with life live with what if’s.. what if I was happy to be quiet, and not ask for more….

At this time in my life I am happy I get to struggle, and find out my more and what I am suppose to do in life. I figured it was to be just major successful finding my happy ending…. I always had a happy something.. My gray is my sunshine, my sun light, my reason for struggle, my gain in the world, my vision, my vitality, my smile, and why I choose to be here for my desires for fighting for a career, my whole everything to keep my tick tocking…I didn’t change  I grew up, I became responsible, I became loved unconditionally by the one true thing that’s higher than a job promotion, and all the fancy snancy things we all feel we need to make us complete or happy or live better. My gray became my sunshine in my days of being separated, than divorced, my gray became my teacher when she said to me “mommy that old house was nice, but we’re together and as long as we have each other we’ll be ok…I knew that to be true, but when moments in your life seem negative, you speak to god and he speaks back to you.. And that day God spoke through my gray which is my ray of light. Divorce is hard, and harder with children.

From the moment my gray spoke those words to me I felt light, a ray of hope and all my thoughts of just trying to be a better everything came back, dreams of traveling came back,doing my best and giving more in my profession came back, wanting to bake more came back, a new chapter was to be written.. I became a single mom alone in the east coast with no one to cry out to but myself, and my gray..I became a better person everyday from that moment on, I could never would never ever want to lose myself, or be anything different that the spunky woman I am today… While in life we feel regrets it’s natural to have flashbacks, and I will not lie and say it has been crazy happy blissful because it wasn’t it was brutal and most times chaotic, but I survived and I get to be the hardworking, real, sometimes dramatic, loving mom of a gray daughter that challenges me and everyday I count my blessings, and if I could say anything about my daughter that I feel deep down it is an honor, and the biggest pleasure in my life to have given birth to her.

She makes me stronger, wiser, and better everyday. Although pain is apart of everyones life different experiences different everything.. I wouldn’t change a thing.. God I must have did something right! Without the Gray there wouldn’t be a chapter in my life quite like this… Thank you for my gray, thank you for the  marriage that didn’t work well for me it made me better, and more appreciative of each and everything in my life, it also made me fight for me, and her. ..I hope in the next chapters, and paragraphs in our life my gray learns something from the black part in her life… I love my daughter more than words, people, poems could say they don’t do my heart justice I am simply in awe ad in love with my gray.. This letter started off as a thank you to my ex husband for being what I felt a jerk but became much more…

I hope my notes inspire someone, I am inspired daily. I just want to give my best, and I would like to give glory to god or helping in pulling me through it was rough crying alone, and not being the person that you need and or should be.. I was lost, and longing

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