Adam said:

I just read this again….then I looked in the mental mirror at myself. It is so easy to blame others and overlook your actions. In fact, it must be some kind of human nature. Sitting here, thinking of my actions in my marriage, it is pretty easy to sidestep some embarrassing things i did. Think about it… it is kind of a grounding experience. Dad is right, if you are honest with yourself, you can learn so much that will help you when pressing on and moving forward! (that is the direction I am going and want to stay going)

Teresa said:

I had this problem in the past. Many failed relationships, one failed marriage and I was always trying to find someone else to blame. The problem was, in the end, the only person’s actions I can control are my own, and things that happen to me I let happen. Even if you truly are not at fault… ie. your spouse is physically abusing you… you still have the choice to stay or go, call the police or not and then you have the choice to pick a future relationship that is as volatile as the one you left, or one that is healthier.

It took a long hard look at myself in the mirror to realize where I went wrong in this, my second marriage. This one did not involve physical abuse, but my husband and I simply did not communicate and that led to a total breakdown of any affection and, in the end, of the marriage. I could have told him how I felt so alone and unloved, or worked with him to make things better, but instead I remained silent and just hoped things would turn around.

I already know what I need to do to make my next relationship work AND last and Adam’s dad said it best: “Woman, know thy self. Knowing thy self will lead to happiness.” For the first time in 35 years, I really feel like I am coming to know myself and it’s an interesting journey and if I find myself in another relationship, I will communicate and urge communication in return, I will be myself, and I will SHOW more love than I have in the past. Words say a great deal, but actions speak louder.

Daniella said:

I was recently introduced to this portal. And I only recently started to focus on it’s content…

“I think I’m going to like it here” ~ Annie

I don’t know bout y’all but I’m pretty aware of my flaws. In fact the mirror reminds me on a daily basis! No seriously, if we truly believed the demise of our relationship was based solely on the other person then the obvious question is: “How did the relationship start to begin with? The answer is pretty clear cut – love between two people, takes two people who love (each other). It is my strong belief the demise of any relationship is the responsibility of both parties.

A’ight, so, some commit adultery, others have psychological problems, health issues, even addictions and some are simply wackadoos! I don’t condone the obvious, but if we’re being honest here, it’s not like most us didn’t know what we were walking into from the word, “Go” or as in our case, “I Do.” This isn’t to say I think relationships are black and white, and yes, many of us have been shocked even appalled by the actions of our spouses. But at the end of the day, if you continually point the finger and don’t stop to ask yourself, “What is my part in this, what could I have done, differently?” Then how do you expect to evolve? How then do you expect to find yourself with a girl/boy-friend, partner, lover and/or spouse? From my experience, I know if I don’t work on me, I can’t expect to participate in a sustainable, loving relationship. So much of what ends up on the proverbial table is what we bring to it in the first place.

“To thine own self be true”
~Shakespeare

“Don’t go blowing smoke up your own ass”
~Moi

Daniella said:

Dear Adam’s Dad,

“Validation”. Hmm you bring up a good point. But I think I can speak for most divorcees whether we wanted out, were left or it was mutually agreed upon, divorce = failure. So, when I got back on the saddle (and being that I am very close to my parents and for whatever reason I still yearn to make them proud) without a, “Hey you’re doing a great job” every once in a while I still feel I’ve failed them too. I agree 100%, validation does come from within, but again, even if subconsciously, the feeling of failure from divorce permeates deep within… I don’t know if that feeling will ever dissipate, fully…TIME

But yet, as I sit here even with my self-righteous B.S. l I think you may be right…perhaps it is time I thank them and hence there will be a surprise in it for all of us.

I sincerely enjoy different perspectives on most subjects. It is clear your apple doesn’t fall far from your tree

Thank you again for your time, words and wisdom.

My best,
Daniella.