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Life After Divorce – When is it ok to start dating?

Posted: November 11, 2008
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Author: Adam
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Filed under: Divorce Discussions
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Tags: divorce, divorce advice, divorce recovery, life after divorce

I can say this is relationship advice as well as divorce advice.

I’m still wondering about advice. I am not sold on the idea of advice other then using it as a vantage point to consider your own circumstance. Everyone is just so different. Tonight I was out visiting a friend I made on my trip to Vancouver just after my divorce started. We met by chance in a restaurant and have stayed in touch for the past 2 years on and off. She and a good friend were visting Los Angeles this weekend and I had the opportunity to meet up with her for a late night snack. I had not seen her since the day we met, it was nice to catch up. The three of us got on the subject of dating, who we dated, for how long, why we date, don’t date or do date. We talked about current relationships and past relationships. As I sat there I pondered how different we all are. What dating means to me, may not be the same to her or you.

So while driving home tonight I wondered what I could find on “dating” with a quick google search. What I found was vast, but what struck me most was all the dating advice. Check this article out: dating article on yahoo answers

When is it ok to date again?

I’m recently divorced (about 3 months now). My choice to get rid of him. I’m now very comfortable and secure with what I have and how I life my life. So is it too soon to start dating again? I’d like the attention of a good man but I’m not looking for another husband. Is it too soon?

Best Answer – Chosen by Asker

I think it is too soon to have a serious committed relationship, but dating for fun is absolutely ok! By getting into a relationship so soon, you may have a tendency to compare, which will only cause you grief that you don’t need. So go out, enjoy being single, and have a great time!

Another Answer

Basically it takes a year at least to recover from a divorce.

If it was an abusive marriage, it takes longer.

Generally if you allow yourself to get in a serious relationship too soon, you end up with the same type of jerk as the man you got rid of.

You need to mourn a relationship. Analyze what went wrong and how you could spot the same type of man sooner. What do you really need in a man?

I at first started dating just to show my ex that I could attract a man. It was the wrong thing to do. I dated a guy who was on the wagon and seemed sincere about staying on the wagon. He played mind games with me. When he went back to drinking and hit me–I dropped him off at his parents house and did not date again for 5 years.

Finally I got my head on straight and found a wonderful man and we have been together for 24 years.

And another:

Look, i believe is never too soon, but be careful this time.

I mean, dating doesn’t mean anything, you will just start knowing new persons, give it your time and don’t get involved too soon.

And don’t start dating as if you were in a hurry, you know, give your self your time for your self, for your readings, or workout, for doing something you had been waiting for the time to do.

Good luck!

What I find so odd is that most of the answers of substance are warnings!

That’s right…warnings. How can you jump back into anything if the advice you are getting is a bunch of rules and warnings. I’ve never been good with rules actually. My father (Adam’s Dad) was in the service in WWII, he was set up on a date with my mom, he told me when he opened the door and saw her, he said to himself this was the woman he would marry. They have been married 63 years now! What if you head these warnings and you miss out on that kind of situation?

Surly you have to understand that if you go into something with the mentality that you should not be doing it and it cannot be right….well you know where I am going.

So instead of giving opposite advice and saying, “do what you want and don’t listen to anyone”, tonight I will give no advice, but ask you to consider the source of advice…i think your best bet is to follow YOUR HEART and GUT.