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Dr. Marjan Madison Writes | There is fork in the road….which way will you go?

Posted: November 16, 2008
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Author: Doc M
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Filed under: Ask the Therapist
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Tags: divorce, divorce advice, divorce recovery, dr. marjan madison

Dr. Madison was kind enough to take some time out of her busy schedule and submit another article. She is keeping them broad in content, but as you will see from her next post below, very poignant. I thank her for her continued support!

The path you taking on your divorce recovery may define you!

Divorce is typically an exceedingly tumultuous time. Life, as you know is about to take a drastic turn. In the midst of the fog of anxiety, sadness, and loss, it can be so difficult to see clearly. Fortunately, the best in you still always there, and despite the angst, there are moments where the road ahead is visible. If you pay attention, you may see a fork in the road. As scary as it may seem, the fork in the road presents an opportunity. That is, will you allow your life to take the direction full of bitterness, blame, despair, victimization and regret? Or will you choose a path lined with integrity, dignity, accountability and empowerment? Ultimately, the path you choose in those moments will inform the kind of life you will lead.

I often tell my clients, it is not what happens to you, but rather, how you handle it that makes all the difference in how you feel about yourself and your life. The same is true for divorce. The fact that you are going through a divorce is not as important as how you go through it. No matter what happens, no matter how your ex handles things, how the lawyers handle things, in every moment you have a choice. HOW will you handle it? Will you navigate from the best in you or the worst in you? Truly, this is a question you can always ask yourself. The worst in you may feel like fighting dirty. The worst in you may feel like manipulating the situation to reduce your anxiety. The best in you, on the other hand, will reach into your integrity and handle things in a way in which you will be proud of yourself. The best in you will value handling the situation in a way in which your dignity shines through. Ultimately, you will feel so good about yourself, even if your life circumstances are difficult and yucky. We all have our moments when our fear takes over and we try to control or change a situation. As we mature, we realize that not all things can be controlled or changed and that can be an utter waste of energy. So, rather than falling victim, we can empower ourselves and at least handle ourselves in a way in which we can feel proud. Really, sometimes that is all we have in a terrible situation. In the end, that defines the path we take. That path, in turn, defines what kind of life we lead. Which will you choose?