Emotional Guideposts for Divorce

• Posted: November 17, 2008
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• Author: Diana Mercer
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• Filed under: Ask the Mediator
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• Tags: diana mercer, divorce advice, divorce support

Diana Mercer supplied me with many articles that I will frequently post. Here is a nice piece on using your emotions properly to handle your journey ahead. This fits nicely with Dr. Madison's last post on choosing a proper path. I hope you find these article of use and can apply them to your own needs and situation.

What will the legal process of divorce bring and how to cope with it?

Your success with the legal process during your divorce will depend in large part on how you manage the emotions and life skill challenges you encounter along the way. As you enter and complete each phase of the legal process, recognize that emotional pressures may create obstacles. You can learn to understand them and get past them to act constructively and rationally.

You will also have challenges associated with independent living that you need to take on and master if you wish to stop feeling lost, helpless or angry. The emotional checklist below provides 10 guideposts against which you can gauge your progress as you proceed through the legal system. If you can successfully navigate your way to each of these guideposts, you have the best chance of reaching your final destination in a constructive manner.

1. Recognizing anger, hurt, distrust, revenge, fear and other emotions associated with loss
2. Learning to assess and manage household finances and responsibilities
3. Developing practical job and career options
4. Finding legal advice and expertise that counsels but does not inflame
5. Establishing a safe environment for yourself and your children
6. Negotiating firmly but fairly to obtain a financial settlement that maximizes family assets
7. Handling anxiety without unduly burdening the children, your spouse, or significant others
8. Using the legal system as a means of protection and structure, not intimidation or blackmail
9. Maintaining a respectful distance from your ex-spouse without creating unnecessary alienation
10. Creating legal and financial documents that establish your new independence and preserve family assets over time

For a host of information to help you during this emotionally tumultuous time during which you can’t afford to lose your head, be sure to visit the Peace Talks resource center at http://peace-talks.com/preparefordivorce/ Other on-line support is available at www.divorce360.com.

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