farfromfearless
Divorce Stories – The Divorce of Ms. J
Jena posted a few comments on the site, then put up the courage to tell her story. I congratulate her for taking a HUGE step and sharing her story. For me, in my situation, this was the first positive step forward and the turning point of my divorce recovery. Even though it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel, in my opinion Jena has taken the first step into the tunnel and for that I thank her not only for contributing to the site, but congratulate her on her road to recovery.
This story doesn’t really have a resolution, don’t know if it’s a great example…but it actually felt good to get it out.
I was in the car on the way back down Mammoth Mountain. My husband was on the other end of the phone line in Illinois.
“How can you even think it is ok to be talking to HER Adam?”
He only responded by trying to shut me up, being angry and saying that he did not have to talk about it.
SHE was someone I had caught him chatting (online) with a week earlier, only a few hours after we had decided to go to counseling. They were coming up with a plan to meet up, referring to me as the warden. I forgave him then, I mean…I forgave him every time, so many times. We started to go to counseling. Counseling, it seemed, was for me to better cope with a cheating spouse, not to figure out why he continued to cheat.
Now I let him know that I would not be coming back to Illinois, that it had all been enough. Everything was over…or just beginning to be over.
Since that day last March I have been struggling with my decision. Did I make the right choice? Was divorce really the best option?
He has a new woman now, he has since May and I just wonder why I am left holding all the bags. He seems to have processed everything and be right as rain…while I…well I am in a different boat entirely. I have no trust…a certain distaste for men, I fear that I’m a potential heartbreaker. I cared for someone and turned him loose. I think I am looking for perfection, but if I found it would I keep it right now? It is a hard thing to know that you need to be alone, you have to push everyone away from you so that you can process things, you know? 10 months later I’m still so lost.
Last 5 posts in Divorce Stories
- Divorce Stories | The Affair at Happy Brook - August 22nd, 2011
- Fitness Tip | Keep Warm While Exercising Outdoors - December 20th, 2010
- Men's Divorce Stories | A Ghost of a Chance - November 18th, 2010
- My Particular Case | A Story of divorce - April 11th, 2010
- Fitness Tip | Physical Imbalances and Improper Posture - September 3rd, 2009
3 people have left comments
Adam said:
Jena,
If I can comment on this personally to you, from my humble point of view, take this as just another opinion to learn from if it works in your life experience:
You are only “holding the bags” and he is “with another woman and doing great” because that is what you are only seeing and concentrating on. This may be hard to grasp right now but believe me it is true. The GREAT news is it does not have to be this way at all. YOU, Jena the Star, can right this second change your focus and what you are seeing and start to see something else. Start today if you can, little by little and be thankful for the wonderful things you DO have (we tend to take these for granted. Remember, you were put in your body for joy, and that you will have little by little if you can focus your attention on the good things. THIS IS HARD: Leave him to his “other woman” and you take your bags and start having a good time with them! 
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