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The edge of divorce – Pre Divorce Support

Posted: December 13, 2008
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Author: Diana Mercer
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Filed under: Ask the Mediator
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Tags: Ask the Mediator, divorce advice, pre-divorce advice

Diana Mercer is a divorce mediator and has supplied me with a host of topics to post to our readers. Topics range from divorce support to divorce mediation. In this article she explores inner answers to making that very difficult decision to divorce one's spouse.

Divorce Decisions | Should I Stay or Should I Go?

If you are wrestling with whether to leave your marriage, you undoubtedly find yourself in a very low place of deep ambivalence. This will continue nagging you until you are pressed to resolve it. Once you are so sick and tired of the inner conflict that you can’t stand it any more, you will give up. You will, quite literally surrender.

It’s the very nature of an awkward rite of passage, like divorce, to put us through the wringer and bring us to the proverbial bottom. When we are sick of the trauma and drama, we say, “No more!” It is within that moment of surrender that the atmospherics are present for us to set our intent for a better way out of the mess we are in.

Right after we surrender, it is important to take a moment to connect with our inner will-to-do-good. If you are seeking an answer to one of life’s most difficult questions, “Should I divorce my spouse?,” you’ll want to make sure the answer takes into account your desire to do right by everyone involved.

When you ask within for guidance, you must listen with a brave heart. Be willing to be vulnerable enough to resolve your ambivalence and get your business finished with your spouse.

Stay positive by committing to the idea that your actions and the way you handle yourself in these unfortunate circumstances can bring about a good outcome.

Claim a stake in yourself as an adult who is capable of solving your own problems. If you decide to go, you can do so without giving anyone a hard time, disrespecting anyone, or setting a bad example for your children.

Pose the question to the deepest part of yourself:
•    If I am going to stay in this marriage, who am I?
•    If I am going to leave this marriage, who am I?
•    How do I stay?
•    How do I go?

Then, listen. You will feel the answer in your body. Notice where in your body you feel the answer. You will know what to do once your ambivalence is resolved and in this way learn to trust your inner guidance.

If your are thinking of divorce, did this article give you any guidance or comfort? If you are already divorced, does this thought process help you where you are now? Please comment!

For a full bio on Diana Mercer and links to other articles click here