Great Divorce Advice | Positive Thinking

• Posted: January 7, 2009
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• Author: Adam
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• Filed under: Divorce Discussions
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• Tags: divorce, positive thinking

Can positive thinking catapult you towards your new life after your divorce?

When you decide, that your life is a prize, renew and revive.

Those are lyrics to a song that I was just listening to before I turned my computer on to write this post. Actually, I heard those lyrics and I knew that I had to write this post. I find it amusing that I never really “heard” those lyrics before…just kind of sang them in the melody of the song….amusing that they just jumped out at me today.

I’ve recently reconnected with many old friends and I have found myself repeating my life story as it has transpired over the past 20 years. Facebook will do that to you. Adam, how are you? What have you been doing? I see that you are not married anymore? What happened? Sorry to hear that? In every intance of the question, my answer has been consistant: I am fantastic, I am blessed and happier then I have ever been. I am so happy for what I have.

I am so happy for what I have.

Please think that over….I’ll wait a bit here for you to read that again.

[this blank space is intentional and is to be filled with the tune from Final Jeopardy]

[this blank space is intentional and is to be filled with the tune from Final Jeopardy]

Ok…did you read it again. I AM SO HAPPY FOR WHAT I HAVE. I make an intentional process each and every day to remind myself how lucky I am for the things that I have. It may surprise you that I am not talking about a nice car, or a nice house, or most any material things. I am happy for the little things like being able to make a few people a day smile, or my health…or the fact that I have hands to type this post. Does that sound odd…hands to write this post? I recall a story my dad used to tell me when I was whinning for something that I wanted. He told me, Son, there was a man that was so sad because his shoes had holes, the soles, the tops, all had holes and were falling apart, he could not afford to buy new shoes…he was so sad…then one day, while wearing these ratty shoes…he noticed a man on crutches that lost both of his feet! Ponder that for a second. If you are in pain right now, ponder that. If you are thinking that your divorce situation is so bad, ponder that for a second.

We are all searching for support, advice and help in our divorce. But I can tell you, after the fact, all the support, advice and help is really within you already. Sounds silly I know.

Here is an exercise:

I would like you to end your day tonight, before you fall asleep, by thanking whatever power that be, (I have my own form of a higher power, a consciousness that I thank, yours can be G-D, Jesus or any other power that you believe in) for the things that you HAVE. Fall asleep thinking of the things that you have. You are lucky to have these things. This may not be easy because you, like most people, concentrate mostly on the things that you do NOT have. Here are some examples:

• I wish I could get over the pain of this divorce
• If I only had a better car
• She/He is so happy, why can’t I be
• I’m stuck here with no hope of ever finding another good person to be with
• I don’t want to date again
• That bastard cheated on me
• The pain is so bad, everyone is happy but me, no one can understand my pain, I can never be happy again, I will carry this pain with me forever
• Why did he/she do this to me?

Do you see this pattern? Does it sound familiar to you? Do you see the direction this is taking you? Before bed tonight shift that thinking and concentrate on the wonderful things that you have.

• I am so thankful for my children
• Although my friends don’t know exactly what I am going though, I am so lucky that they are here for me
• I love my family
• Look at my pet, I am so lucky to have a buddy!
• I have a car to drive, many people don’t even have a car…i am so thankful for that!
• Look at around me, I am so fortunate to have these clothes and shoes and simple things like a toothbrush!
• How lucky can one be to have control over their life and the freedom to may decisions…I am so thankful for that!
• I have feet to put my shoes on!

Do you FEEL the difference of these statements…I can feel them in my shoulders actually…they make me smile inside and relax. The former statements make my shoulders tence up and climb to my ears!

As you say YOUR OWN version of the above postive thoughts, be very gracious and thankful for these things that seem so insignificant. What this will do for you is start your mind in a positive direction. Your sleep WILL be more peaceful. Wake up and repeat this process. Be thankful that you are starting a brand new day…look out your window and be thankful for the tree that you never noticed before, look at the leaves, watch it sway in the wind, for you are lucky that you can even do this! Listen to things you never noticed before. Find yourself being thankful for the people in your life and the future ahead of you. TRUELY, WHEN YOU REALIZE THAT YOUR LIFE IS A PRIZE…YOU WILL THRIVE.

This is a very easy thing to do. Put aside the thought process of helplessly wishing for things that are not in your possession, and concentrate on what you have NOW. You did not have these things before, but you do now, be thankful for that. This mindset, should you chose to focus on it, will change your outlook on so many things. Material things will become less important and joyous thing will materialize in your life experience. It has to be this way, it IS this way.

How do I know this stuff? Well i really don’t. This is MY experience. But, I have seen first hand the change my close friends have gone through when they adopt this thought process. I have seen the change I have gone though in adopting it for myself. For me it was easy to adopt after my divorce, as I have always been a very positive person. Even if you are not so positive, that is ok…baby steps.

So now I would like you to adopt this thought process for yourself. Tonight before bed, deliberately be thankful for the things you have, enter NOT in your thoughts anything lacking or in want. When you wake up, from that sleep, you’ll be happier then you have ever been! (those are lyrics from the same song) Continue this mindset…of thanks for what you have as much as you can, before bed, and when you wake up…if you think of it during the day, If you catch yourself slipping into sadness over something you do not have, SHIFT to your process of gratitude for what you have. Do this for a week and I dare you to tell me that something in your life has not changed for the better. Things will continue to change and you will have more to be thankful for…it is crazy how it happens, I get giddy talking about it!

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