Post Divorce | A day in the life of Adam

• Posted: January 20, 2009
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• Author: Adam
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• Filed under: Divorce Discussions
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• Tags: discussions, divorce, exercise, running

I recently started running again. Not sure why I ever stop, but once I get past the pain of restarting I notice complete change in my body and mind. This post is not about my divorce or personal details of my divorce, however, you will feel it is until I get to my point. I am going to share some honesty about myself and about my faults as a human…the same faults I try to sway you from in some of my posts.

These are a few the truthful facts about the demise my marriage and our divorce settlement:

• About a year before our separation I caught my ex in a lie regarding her whereabouts with her trainer, red flag was raised.
• She sat me down and explained that she did not want to be married anymore, it was her decision, i tried to work it out, her mind was made up
• I never cheated on her, nor was I ever physically abusive, we just grew apart according to her, which I do not deny
• She did not want to go to marriage therapy, she was in therapy on her own to deal with her divorce decision
• We did not have kids
• We did not use attorneys in our divorce, rather a mediator and a paralegal
• She did not go after everything I had, rather told me what she wanted in a settlement
• I paid a very large lump sum based on home appreciation at the top of the market and a monthly alimony for 4 years

I am leaving out all opinions above and just giving you some background facts.

So what does this have to do with the day in the life of me? I was on my run today and my mind fell into thinking about still paying alimony. Why do I have to continue to do this. The economy is crap, I supported her for 10 years, she is the one that left me, she has her own business, I put her through school for her business, I paid for EVERYTHING but some utilities, some food and some furnishing…essentially everything…we have no kids…I support her for so long, and she gets to leave with the money that I worked so hard for…and money that was only on paper (the inflated house value) How is this? She battled with everything I did, we were different people, how could she want to come into this marriage with nothing, take for 10 years and justify that because she was married to me, she was missing out on earning other income…she actually said that to me!!!!  I will credit her for not listening to her friends advice to take me for all I have. She could have gone after everything the law allows as well as waste my money on attorney fees…she did not! But still, how could she justify taking anything at all??? She did not want to work out this relationship, she left, we did not have kids..she got a free ride financially for 10 years, came with nothing and took a chunk….

This is my mindset on my run. I AM WASTING MY RUN ON THIS THOUGHT PROCESS. What the hell am i thinking? 20 minutes of my life GONE on this….I suddenly  look up from my complete non focus on the moment and what do i see:

Actual Sky on my run

When I looked up at the sky I was greeted with the most amazing painted picture. I raced up about another 200 yards to a look out point that is off the trail where I proceed to take 6 pictures side by side. Above is that picture that I created in photoshop using the photomerge tool to create one accurate continuous panorama of about 180 degrees of the view.

How could I be so stupid…How could I not listen to my own divorce advice? I mean, I preach to the viewers of this site what to think about, how to cope with divorce…yet I am guilty of the exact thought process I am telling you not to commit to! How about that. I wasted part of my run, part of my NOW time re-hashing what has been hashed out 1000 times over in my head. What good could that possibly do? What forward motion could possibly be made with these thoughts?

I smiled at that moment. I am not perfect…in that moment I really actually sucked!   The remainder of the run I breathed in the air, looked at that amazing skyline and was excited to get back and tell my story. It is so easy to give advice, to put your opinion on someone…how easy is it to follow!?!?!?  I remind myself that I can choose my thought process. When I am focusing on what I just cannot control, or what I should just let go, I am unhappy and putting out a beacon of negativity to the universe. When I am happy, taking in the NOW, I am filled with joy…further proof that I am in control! I shifted my focus from the senseless past of my divorce and my perceived bad luck, to the beautiful sky, my run and how lucky I am to have what I have….PURE JOY.

I hope my imperfection has given you hope. If I can shift from place to place, you can too!

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