Divorce and the Single Parent | Who do you call when there are Elephants on your roof?

• Posted: January 26, 2009
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• Author: Daniella
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• Filed under: Ask the Single Parent
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• Tags: child, divorce, family, single parent

You've read Daniella's divorce story last week, today she starts her regular column on the trials of single parenthood, coping with divorce as a single parent among other related divorce topics. Please feel free to ask questions and comment on this and all posts.

I picked up my daughter from her after school play date and we went straight home; changed our clothes, finished her homework, made dinner, ate dinner, then I cleaned up dinner. My baby watched a little TV, brushed her teeth, we read a book then lay together just in time for me to start my night. It was 8:45p. I made the conscience decision not to go on line, no Facebook, no Facebook chat, no aim instant messaging and definitely no writing! Instead, I watched the continuing inaugural media coverage.  The week felt long and it was only Tuesday.

I found my mind, in bed, early. It was 11pm.  I snuggled in to my delectable new bed, turned on the TV to try and decompress.  It wasn’t 15 minutes later when I heard hard thunderous footsteps on my rooftop, pounding, stomping, and scattering about. A prowler?! I was frozen with fear (we recently moved into a friendly, safe and small townhouse complex in a nice part of town). My baby awakes from the noise, “Mommy, Mommy!”  She yells out in her sleep, “I’m here my angel!” “Did you hear that Mommy?” “I sure did baby!” I say with fraudulent courage. The noise becomes louder and scarier; my baby scrambles furiously into my arms. I call my new next-door neighbor four times, 4x! Home, mobile, home, mobile finally he picks up. “I’m sleeping” he says fully annoyed.  I now know he didn’t hear a thing and needless to say doesn’t ease my worrisome mind. I phoned 911. The warm voice of a strange man patiently talked with me as the helicopters and police arrived; a beam of light as if Luke Skywalker’s light saber illuminates my bedroom. We hear more footsteps scurrying about, boisterous voices with clanging batons from officers thrusting the chain link fence checking the perimeters of our building (all which provoked even more fear, in me). Just then my baby pierced my heart with her incredibly round, bright, compassionate and deep green eyes, “Mommy, when I’m at Daddy’s who’s here with you when there are elephants on our roof?”  My mouth agape, hands perspiring, eyes swelling. I was literally speechless-stuck! And as her hand reached for my face, I turned to wipe one streaming tear, took a deep-deep breath, “The same person who’s with you when I’m not there, my Mommy! Y’see baby, none of us are ever truly alone; those who love us are always in our pocket!” “Kinda like when I took your favorite lip gloss when I go to Daddy’s even though I know you’ll be mad?” We shared a lighthearted laugh a mutual understanding of sorts as the commotion all but dissipated save for our juicy kiss goodnight.

There is a fine line between truth & reality. And as our children mature they feel the difference in spite of our words. We are no longer able to simply divert their attention as we did when they were toddlers. I wonder, am I any different than any of you as I struggle to find strength to protect my child all the while aching for it myself?

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