What would a divorced guy say at a wedding ceremony?

• Posted: February 28, 2009
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• Author: Adam
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• Filed under: Divorce Discussions
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• Tags: divorce, failure, family, friendship, love, marriage

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to unite this couple…hmmmmmm  Family and Friends, a common bond has brought us together today….hmmmmmmmm Friends, Family and all you people that were invited because you had to be, I am divorced but I will be marrying this wonderful couple…. hmmmmmmmm

Where would I start, what could I possibly say?

A very dear friend asked me to marry him and his soon to be wife. An honor so great that I actually got a huge lump in my throat. I met him over 10 years ago playing hockey. Always on the other team, and always better then me, I had that adversarial hate for him that you gain in competition. A turn of events and we ended up on the same team and a friendship was struck. No pat on the ass in the locker room, but a good friendship. Another turn of events and we started working together, he is a very gifted artist! Another turn of events and I was sitting at his bedside for a month straight while he battled and beat against cancer. Another turn of events and I was sitting at a golf course restaurant after a round of golf and introduced him and nudged him to ask a girl for her number. Another turn of events and they got engaged. Another turn of events and they asked me to perform the marriage ceremony. Honor is the only word that bubbles past the lump in my throat.

The reality of my marriage comes back to me. Was it a failure? Because we are not together NOW, was it a failure? I suppose if you want, you can look at it that way. But as I have grown in the past years, I have the ability to look at my marriage in a new light. The success of it, the good things that came from it. In the end my ex and I were not compatible enough to spend our lives together.  Now, from the marriage I once had, I will draw the power to unite a new couple on their journey. Today I realized another angle, another meaning of marriage. Marriage is not selfish or judging.

How therapeutic this is! I am considering all the things that make a marriage good and lasting, the things that keep a couple together. The cynical Adam is starting to get soft.

Dear Friend: Marriage is many different things to many different people. It is more then love. It is more then a bond. It is actually its own entity. Imagine two people joining a team and never leaving that team. Through sickness. Through joy. Through failure. Through triumph. Through lies. Through respect….. Every emotion, every event is shared. Two individuals don’t join to become one, they join to become one force as two! Inner struggles and outer forces will try to pull you apart, and often times will, be a rubber band, stretch, then return back to the normal state of love and respect, the reason you are together in the first place. Be individuals to keep the health of the relationship. Try with all your might not to judge. Never put the other down in public places, save that for private conversations. Laugh. Be present in your time together. Don’t tell the other where to park. Take out the trash without being asked to do so. I know those last two sound a bit joking, but the reality behind them is for real. Listen. Listen. Listen.   Dude, acknowledge her feelings, don’t try and fix everything, just listen. Girlfriend, understand that he IS really from Mars! Be honest. Be respectful. Laugh some more!

What will you get out of marriage?

Dear Friend: You will gain knowledge beyond your belief. You will gain love for yourself, your spouse and others. You may create a new life and give your all to that new life, like your parents gave to you. You will grow beyond belief. You will achieve fulfillment knowing that someone has your back, till death do you part!

The above two lists are really incomplete and random. But in retrospect these are the things that I feel will be a great base to start a marriage and keep it together, as well as the things that will come from this experience. This advice brought to you by a divorced man!

What will I say when I perform this marriage ceremony? Not sure, but I am nervous!

What would you say?

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