What can you learn from a 63 year marriage? You decide!

• Posted: March 3, 2009
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• Author: Dad
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• Filed under: Ask Adam's Dad
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• Tags: divorce, family counselor, laughter, marriage, marriage and family, mom, partnership, smiles, triumphs

What is the point of reading an article about a successful marriage on a divorce recovery and support blog? This is the question my Dad asked me when I asked him to write a post about he and my mom. The fact is, much can be learned. Below Adam's Dad shares some insight into his life with Adam's Mom! Perhaps you can read between the lines and learn a thing or two. See if you can take what I took from this post.... the work of marriage is not easy, it is a challenge, and you can choose NOT to quit. Whatever place you are in right at this moment, I hope some of these words inspire you. Thanks Dad!

And the reason is you!

Adam asked me to write something about our marriage. I could not understand why he thought this might be relevant to his blog’s subject which, of course, is divorce. After thinking about it for a bit, I came to the realization that this was some tough subject. What could I possibly tell you that you might find of interest? Any partnership is a challenging situation and it is my belief that Marriage is the toughest partnership there is.

Don & Toby Weston

I am not a marriage and family counselor so I can’t tell you how to live your lives, nor would I want to. I guess the only thing I can tell you is how we lived ours.
I met Adam’s mom when I was an 18 year old Marine in 1943. When I first saw her, I thought she was the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I have never changed my mind. One year later, we were engaged and one year after that, in 1945, we were married.

We never had sex! We made love. We were lovers, with all of the attributes attached. (After 63 years, we are still lovers with most of the attributes attached.) At the same time, we became friends, a friendship that has lasted to this day. We shared each other’s day to day triumphs as well as concerns when they came up. We have laughed our way through the years. Don’t get me wrong, there have been some tears as well. But because we came to understand that if we shared our feelings and our fears, the tears would soon become smiles and then the laughter would take over.
In due time, the lovers became the parents of a beautiful girl and a whole new life presented itself. Both of us became involved with “our family.” Each of us assumed new and sometimes unfamiliar tasks, but we never lost site of the fact that we were a team, helping each other when help was required. Nor did we lose sight of the fact that we were still lovers, albeit lovers with a small distraction and lovers who had to become more creative, time wise. However, we managed to come through this period with a minimum of problems, time wise. As our daughter got older, we (my wife and I), took “naps,” as required.

Twelve years later (a long time) our second child, a boy, came along and thankfully, our family was complete, including the little poodle we got for our daughter. At this time, we began traveling all over the state of California by car. We had a station wagon and we placed an air mattress in the back for our daughter and a porta crib there for the “baby,” and away we went. We became a traveling little family, introducing our kids to the history of California, fishing, etc.

As time progressed and the children got older, I had to explain to them that our home was not a democracy, that I was the King. This lead to the inevitable, “just wait until your father gets home.” I guess I was a tough dad, but we won’t dwell on that.

In due time our daughter married and our family got smaller and also about this time I was having some financial difficulty. Adam’s mom and I put our heads together and that is when we found out that his mom was a tough lady. I mentioned to her that if she could somehow make about $100-200 per month it would help us. Well, she rolled up her sleeves, took out her sewing machine and proceeded to make money. When I asked her how come she never did this before she replied, “you didn’t ask me.” That was the beginning of a new chapter in our lives and the beginning of Toby Weston Handbags.

Ultimately, I sold the little business we had and I joined Mrs. Weston’s company. Talk about a partnership; we were together 24 hours a day. We shared responsibilities. She handled production and sales and I handled billing, collection and financial. If we did not get divorced then, we were never going to get divorced. We disagreed, we argued, we did not see eye to eye but she never hit me! And the business prospered. We made it a corporation with Mrs. W as the president and me as the CFO.

Believe it or not she was with it for 35 years and I was with her for about 28.

During all these years there was never a question about trust, respect, understanding, or commitment. All these things were a given. Divorce was never an option. We began as a team and we will remain a team to the ending.

We still hold hands when walking. We still profess our love each other. We still laugh a lot and we are still best friends.

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