Now Drive Me Far. I Don’t Care Where, Just Far.

• Posted: April 11, 2009
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• Author: Adam
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• Filed under: Divorce Discussions,Divorce Stories,Features
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• Tags: No tags set for this entry.

Can anybody fly this thing?
Before my head explodes.
Or my head starts to ring.

I run. I’m running, listening to music that has moved my life. I cry. I really do, I’m running and crying.

But everything I can’t remember
As fucked up as it may seem
the consequences that I’ve rendered
I’ve stretched myself beyond my means

Why must i feel this way?
just make this go away
just one more peaceful day

I’m flying too fast, too too fast I fly, trying to keep up, I’m not even looking out the window, I’m not stopping to breath and smell the flowers…what good is it to fly so fast if you can’t smell the flowers, something is very wrong. My feet chug my body up an amazing trail, the weeds are growing, but they are low, there are a few foot prints of the warrior that preceded me on this run. There are flowers, I’m just trying to get to the top with as little pain as possible, I have a long way to go, no time to stop and smell the beautiful wild flowers…i know they are there, I see them in my peripheral vision. They are there, I can’t stop, make it to the top

Check my beat dig they rhythm
Me belly full but me hungry so I fill it
Once I start gaining taxes start taking
Cause the governments perfected funk faking
Breaking me down striking me down
What goes around comes around but
I keep rising seeing through the lies and
The surprise comes when I see myself
The music I felt
Im on

This aint living
This aint living
Oh no

Why do I put so much pressure on myself to please others, why does it seem that I am always caring about everyone else, doing the right thing, what about me?

Don’t let your mind get weary and confused
Your will be still, don’t try
Don’t let your heart get heavy child
Inside you there’s a strength that lies

Don’t let your soul get lonely child
It’s only time, it will go by
Don’t look for love in faces, places
It’s in you, that’s where you’ll find kindness

Be here now, here now

I’m still now, made it to the top of the hill, still, sitting looking over the world before me, crying more, crying harder. Is this where I am suppose to be right now? Did I notice how beautiful everything was on the way up? It is not the fact that I am here now, it was the journey…shit, did I miss the journey up here? No, wait, noticed some stuff….or did I?

Come on, my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
If i, if I’d only waited
I’d not be stuck here in this hole
Come here my star is fading
And I swerve out of control
And I swear I waited and waited
I’ve got to get out of this hole

But time is on your side
Its on your side now
Not pushing you down and all around
It’s no cause for concern

Time is on my side, I CAN choose what to do next. I’m calm, the emotion of the music moves me more. Slow the F*** down Adam.

Sometimes when I feel so boxed in
I wanna go and take a ride
Grabbed the keys and my cigarettes
And disappeared into the night

Two choices right now, be around a bunch of friends, or just be by myself, sometimes I like to be by myself….me too!

Sweet memories Flashing very quickly by
Reminding me Giving me a reason why
I know that My goal is more than a thought
I’ll be there When I teach what I’ve been taught
AND I’VE BEEN TAUGHT.

I won’t be satisfied with the changes that have happened to me over the past 3 years until I get to do what I am here for, it cannot possibly be to work my ass off like i have been, to financially take care of everybody, no it can’t. I want to learn and I want to teach. I’m doing little of either now, I am on a treadmill, stuck, paying my debt to my marriage, my employees, my friends, and me.. for my perception of what is important.

I’ve been so long in waiting
Putting my life on hold for this
Chance to live out my dreams
You think you know what I should
Do with the choices I now have
Make them benefit you
What if I don’t wanna hear the things you say
Where were you when I was needy yesterday
You want in with me, now that it’s good
But it’s too little, too late

Yes, I’m on my own, everyone needs a piece, when it is good, will I get my piece? How to get off this treadmill? How?

Aquí estoy pensando que no tengo mucho que ofrecer
Pero yo sé que lograré salirme de esto porque ya es tiempo

Pero dime dime dime dime cuanto
Pero dime dime dime dime cuando

Llegará llegaré, llegará llegaré
Sí, llegará llegaré, llegará llegaré

When, tell me when I will have the strength to make my next change? Will I? Yes I will, Yes I will.

Recovery…. Now I write, and I feel more at peace, you can too!

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