farfromfearless
Divorce | A Warning Sign
Did you see a warning sign in your divorce?
Have you read any of my previous posts? You will find that many are inspired by music. Music plays such a role in my life, always has. I was driving home tonight and these lyrics rolled off my tongue as i listened to a song:
A warning sign,
I missed the good part then I realized,
I started looking and the bubble burst.
I started looking for excuses.
I remember the first time I heard that song. It was quite profound for me really. I did a music swap with one of my best friends. I gave him my music library, i got his…this was in the very beginning of iPods and iTunes. We (the wife and I) left on a vacation to Hawaii, I really don’t remember much about the planning or why we were going at this point…probably partial block I am sure. I do recall it was a trip to try and reconnect. In the end, we really did not reconnect at all….I think we started our divorce.
I was sitting at the edge of the most beautiful pool. I was pretty much alone there. It was an outdoor pool, but protected by the walls of spa area, kind of like a oval courtyard, with the pool in the middle. There were lights all the way around the courtyard walls, not bright white, rather amber in color as I recall. The men’s spa was to my left and the woman’s spa entrance to my right as I sat in a lazy lotus position at the edge of the pool. I was noticing the reflection of the amber lights in the perimeter of the pool as I messed around with my iPod mini. That thing was like a brick, how funny. Anyway, I just had a massage, it was early evening, the spa was probably closing and I sat there, pretty somber.
Before I left on the trip, I filled the iPod up with most of the music Randy gave me…there were all sorts of great tunz, some I had never bothered to listen to in the past. As I sat there, I recall just putting the iPod on random and chancing it. The first song that queued up was Warning Sign by Cold Play. I have never been so struck by a song, Chris was singing to ME. I never bothered to listen to Cold Play prior, just was never into them. But that song. I immediately played it again, then again. The rest of the trip I listened to every Cold Play song. I can still picture that moment in time, edge of pool, amber lights, lotus position, still pool, with glassy reflections….heart sinking…music playing.
We were at an impasse, total empathy for each other. As I look back, the trip was the beginning of the end that had started long before, yet I did not know it at the time. We were just so different. If I liked blue, she liked green. If I liked it soft, she liked it hard. If I wanted chicken, she wanted fish. If I wanted fish, she wanted chicken. We agreed on nothing. Our fights were based upon our differences. We drifted apart. I did my thing, she did hers. We passed in the hallways. I watched TV in the living room, she did in the bedroom. Even our schedules were in conflict, If I wanted to take a nap, laundry had to be done at that moment. In all fairness, I’m sure I bugged the hell out of her too and the situation was much the same from the opposite side. What a shame.
That was the warning sign. We were moving in different directions. The bubble did burst. What could have been done at this point to save a marriage? Can a marriage be saved when you ignore the warning signs and just keep drifting? I have no answer….do you? You can comment on our forum here.
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Last 5 posts in Divorce Stories
- Divorce Stories | The Affair at Happy Brook - August 22nd, 2011
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- Men's Divorce Stories | A Ghost of a Chance - November 18th, 2010
- My Particular Case | A Story of divorce - April 11th, 2010
- Fitness Tip | Physical Imbalances and Improper Posture - September 3rd, 2009
3 people have left comments
Dainella said:
Crazy!
Every morning my alarm clock wakes me with sounds of song. I have this thing…I apply the first song I hear as the theme song to whatever is going on in my life on that day.
It’s Sunday, no alarm clock, but as habit has it, I awoke at 640a, turned on the radio to get a feel as to what today might bring me. Crazy due to Adam’s post, the song played on, Cold Play’s, “The Scientist”. (Like Adam, music is my life and w/out it I’d be far less unfeeling).”The Scientist”, from Cold Play’s “A Rush of Blood to the Head” so directly spoke to me, my mental state (both the record and that specific track were huge hits in ’03; “03 – the year my ex-husband and I split). This song had a great and uncomfortable impact on me. While I related and loved every word the somber melody expressed my melancholy. At times the pain too great I just had to turn it off.
Adam asks, “Can a marriage be saved when you ignore the warning signs and just keep drifting? I have no answers….do you?” 6 years post divorce I no longer look for answers due the demise of my marriage. Consequently, “Warning signs” also known as red flags play an even bigger part in my relationships today. “Warning sings”, do you listen to them, more importantly do you hear them and proceed accordingly?
To echo Adam, please join us on our new FORUM. It is a great space for us all to speak freely, to discuss, support, and even debate the many topics of life and love.
Jonathan said:
Red Flags? Warning signs? You know how they say that hind sight is 20/20? Well, the crystal clear perspective afforded us by transpired events is a deceiving reflection. You can often see something—a “sign”, and dismiss it as irrelevant, or an isolated event that has no meaning until it is placed into context with other events that have not yet come to pass. So you go with your “gut” and make the best decisions possible given the information currently “on file”.
There is actually an excellent book I read a couple of years ago (while going through my second divorce) called “Stumbling on Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert that explores similar questions. It delves into how the human mind weighs past events and experiences to extrapolate out possible future scenarios to best determine what decisions are best and what is likely to make us most content (and all of the inherent problems with this system). The book wasn’t at all what I was expecting, but exceeded my expectations! (It WAS ironically similar to the very subject of the book itself)
Anyway, I was going to post some red flags I had with my second marriage in the forum. I wasn’t expecting to post such a long dissertation, but as always Adam… You got me thinking! Thanks.
Jonathan
- Copyright 2012 Adam’s Wedding Dress. All Rights Reserved. My kudos to Chris Murphy for this theme.
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