Comments on: Divorce | A Warning Sign

By: Jonathan

Jonathan — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 19:54:49 +0000

Red Flags? Warning signs? You know how they say that hind sight is 20/20? Well, the crystal clear perspective afforded us by transpired events is a deceiving reflection. You can often see something—a “sign”, and dismiss it as irrelevant, or an isolated event that has no meaning until it is placed into context with other events that have not yet come to pass. So you go with your “gut” and make the best decisions possible given the information currently “on file”.

There is actually an excellent book I read a couple of years ago (while going through my second divorce) called “Stumbling on Happiness” by Daniel Gilbert that explores similar questions. It delves into how the human mind weighs past events and experiences to extrapolate out possible future scenarios to best determine what decisions are best and what is likely to make us most content (and all of the inherent problems with this system). The book wasn’t at all what I was expecting, but exceeded my expectations! (It WAS ironically similar to the very subject of the book itself)

Anyway, I was going to post some red flags I had with my second marriage in the forum. I wasn’t expecting to post such a long dissertation, but as always Adam… You got me thinking! Thanks.

Jonathan

By: Adam

Adam — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 17:37:34 +0000

Awesome!

By: Dainella

Dainella — Sun, 07 Jun 2009 17:17:40 +0000

Crazy!

Every morning my alarm clock wakes me with sounds of song. I have this thing…I apply the first song I hear as the theme song to whatever is going on in my life on that day.

It’s Sunday, no alarm clock, but as habit has it, I awoke at 640a, turned on the radio to get a feel as to what today might bring me. Crazy due to Adam’s post, the song played on, Cold Play’s, “The Scientist”. (Like Adam, music is my life and w/out it I’d be far less unfeeling).”The Scientist”, from Cold Play’s “A Rush of Blood to the Head” so directly spoke to me, my mental state (both the record and that specific track were huge hits in ’03; “03 – the year my ex-husband and I split). This song had a great and uncomfortable impact on me. While I related and loved every word the somber melody expressed my melancholy. At times the pain too great I just had to turn it off.

Adam asks, “Can a marriage be saved when you ignore the warning signs and just keep drifting? I have no answers….do you?” 6 years post divorce I no longer look for answers due the demise of my marriage. Consequently, “Warning signs” also known as red flags play an even bigger part in my relationships today. “Warning sings”, do you listen to them, more importantly do you hear them and proceed accordingly?

To echo Adam, please join us on our new FORUM. It is a great space for us all to speak freely, to discuss, support, and even debate the many topics of life and love.