The Big Easy | Friendships Post Divorce

• Posted: June 8, 2009
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• Author: Daniella
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• Filed under: Ask the Single Parent
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• Tags: divorce, friendship, post divorce

There are so many facets of life. I profess that I learned the most about myself in the years prior to my divorce. My divorce recovery actually was another phase of my "growing up". I am so proud to have Daniella as a contributor on this divorce support blog. I see in her stories what it truly is to be alive, happiness and resolve, post divorce is what you will find in this article by Daniella.....props!

I find that my female friends more so than my male friends crave a connection. And more often than not we (women) are too eager. During the last couple of months I’ve noticed my mind expanding, my perspective changing and my motivation shifting. I am lighter, happier and as a result the opposite sex finds me more attractive.

I recently made a new male friend. Our friendship was born out of a shared interest in a specific business. We made a plan to meet and discuss, business. However, I‘m single, and I know he is too; of course there was that small underlying hope he could be a prospective “date”. The morning business meeting went well and later that night we had dinner. From word one
he was easy, the conversation was easy, and together we flowed, easily.

A few weeks later this friend (who I will refer to as Big Easy) and I made a plan to go to a party. Big Easy had a previous BBQ engagement, and to my surprise he invited me join him before hand. At the BBQ we went our separate ways. I ran into people I haven’t seen in over 20 years as well as some new folks. Almost all of them commented on my articles on AWD. It was exciting because I had no idea any of them even read my column. They gave me props, big props! It felt so gratifying personally and validated my “giving back” professionally. (I graciously accepted their compliments, but underneath is still that damn nagging chip. Six years post divorce and I still feel shame due to my failed marriage.)

After the BBQ, Big Easy and I ran home for a quick change of clothes and then onto our next outing. At this event I felt Big Easy’s mood shift. In the process of making plans to meet friends for drinks later in the evening, he whispered that he preferred to grab his dog and walk the beach. He also asked if I’d like to come along. Crap, I’m in my favorite Nannette Lepore coat and high heals. I needed another quick change but really; I am the go with the flow kind of girl. So, Big Easy, his cool dog, and I made our way to an outdoor mall in Santa Monica, Ca. We grabbed a late night snack and trekked down to the beach. We walked, talked long and far and shared comfortable silence as the waves crashed and his dog played about. Big Easy was reserved, there was a pensive calm about him. I was curious but knew better than to force my hand. As our walk grew darker, he explained where he’s at this time in his life. It was refreshing and honest. I fully respect the journey he’s embarking upon and I am honored that he shared this very private endeavor with me. Our night ended as easily as our friendship started.

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“Big Easy” isn’t just a synonym for my friend’s name it’s truly where I’m at in my life. I’m good; my daughter’s good; my ex-husband and I are good (for the time being ) my job is good and my friendships are even gooder. Never the less, I am a woman. My wiring is complicated but I’m learning how to manage it with aplomb. Yes, men and woman’s psyches are so very different, but if we take the time to not only hear one another but also to HEAR one another, respect one another and not try so damn hard to change one another we will probably appreciate that while sex and love aren’t always synonymous they truly can be the Big Easy!

Always,
Daniella

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