farfromfearless
The Single Parent | Divorce has no agenda
June 8th – my daughter performs at her school’s Spring Sing. My ex-husband and I sit next to one another both in jovial spirits and beaming w/pride as we take pictures of our little beauty, separately.
June 9th – I went to a notary to meet my ex-husband to secure my signature allowing him to take our daughter out of the country for their upcoming summer vacation. He opens his wallet to get his drivers license; a picture of me falls out. We both laugh (I was in shock and he, I think, a lil embarrassed). “I probably should have a pic of my girlfriend in my wallet, not you.”
June 10th – Back at the notary for our 2nd round of signatures, it’s the day that would have been our 10yr-wedding anniversary. “Wanna make another baby? That way you’ll have two like you always wanted and our daughter will have a sibling from the same Mom and Dad…my girlfriend won’t mind. By the way, Happy 10yr anniversary.”
Wholly shxx – 10 years went by in a flash; the culmination of our love and loss and here we stand today, apart. Funny, the mere thought of hugging him makes me uneasy let alone consummation! At one time I saw our unborn children in his eyes. This man was my man and this man protected and cared for me, this man loved me, completely. It’s so bizarre that I don’t even like this man, anymore.
Love. What is it, really? Does it truly exist between a man and woman in our generation? As I’ve said in the past, the only true love I’ve ever known is the love I have for my daughter. There is nothing deeper and what’s more is that I never question its truth.
In 10 years I will be 50, my child 17. I can’t even picture what our lives will look. If I’ve learned anything over the last 10 years it is the fact that G-d laughs at our plans! When my ex-husband and I split I knew for a fact that within the following two years I would be in a healthy relationship, maybe even married and with at least one more child. Ha! It’s already been 6 years and if you told me I’d be where I’m at, still single, and raising my child alone I’d adamantly tell you, you were crazy. Looking back I had all the faith in the world that I’d be living the life I planned. Crazy.
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I’ve evolved. I continue to evolve and in doing so I no longer plan. I am grateful for what I have today but I have also resigned to the possibility that I may have been put on Earth to solely be a Mom. At times this makes me awfully sad, other times I am still hopeful that maybe, just maybe, one day my crazy plan will align with G-d’s, too.
Happy Anniversary to my past, my present and me - without any of it the creation of my beautiful girl and the love I’ve grown to know is worth every trial and tribulation I’ve ever experienced!
Always,
Daniella
Click here for a full bio of Daniella – Ask the Single Parent
Last 5 posts in Ask the Single Parent
- CHEATING in the Media - September 1st, 2009
- Parenting After Divorce | Daddy's Little Girl(s) - July 3rd, 2009
- iPhone | Blackberry | Relating to divorce and single parenting? - June 23rd, 2009
- The Big Easy | Friendships Post Divorce - June 8th, 2009
- Single Dad? Single Mom? | Self Respect holds no gender bias after divorce - June 1st, 2009
6 people have left comments
Chris said:
Isn’t it funny how the one who commits to the end is the one who cannot end the commitment.
Deborah said:
As I read this second post, it felt strangely felt familiar to me. Could your life mirroring my life? And then I realized that it was you, Daniella. You were the person that reached me the last time I logged on to this site almost six months ago. I’m almost left speechless. I experienced almost the same scenario with the photo, I received, the “take one for the team” offer, I so eloquently coined it, and we returned just this afternoon from the notary, after signing the papers for the summer vacation as well. I also think I may have written the identical paragraph on love to a friend of mine, just a week ago. So soul sister. I hear ya. Loud and clear. I often think that exact, thought to myself, when will my plan and the one that the “man upstairs” has for me, be in sync with one another? Not sure if you remember, but like we both agreed upon the last time you moved me with you words, bring it on world!!!! We’ve been doing it, we can do it and we will do it, for as long as we have to, because there is no choice.
When my almost 8 year old daughter had personal situation, one that I wasn’t sure how to handle, she said to me with her sad blue eyes, “Mommy, what are we going to do?” I truly had no idea what we were going to do and I told her that. But I also told her that we were going to figure out what to do and we’d be together every step of the way. She grabbed my hand as we continued walking through the park and replied with a smile, “I know we will Mommy. We always do.” We kept walking, singing one of our favorite songs, “Live Your Life” by Rihanna and at that very moment, nothing else mattered. Daniella, I think that you are amazing and once again, have moved me like no one really has before. Keep inspiring us.
Adam said:
Deborah/Chris,
May I personally thank you for your involvement. Your comments and involvement are the quintessential rationale behind developing this space. A space where we can find comfort and compassion with others. In fact, you are the “pay off” for me! Thanks! Adam
Sharon said:
I do think you can find true love today.
I remember before I met my husband, I had come out of a relationship feeling confident that I would find a match immediately, get married, have kids. I made a whole set of rules, I wasn’t going to fall in to “old traps” again.
Of course it is not the same, since I was in my 20’s, childless, and what seemed like a lifetime ahead of me. Except, I didn’t realize that back then. I saw all my friends getting married, and though I was happy for them, I felt like it was never going to happen for me.
Well, a trip 3,000 miles from home found me my soul mate, and here we are 3 kids, 10 years later. Are we perfect? No. LOL!
I’m sure you thought when you met your ex that it was going to be forever too. Okay, so it wasn’t. And I’m sorry that it wasn’t. But, you DID love each other during your time together, and that love created your beautiful daughter.
I know that you will find your “not so perfect” relationship, and you will see that you can find true love, one that will last…”forever”…..
Daniella said:
First, to echo Adam, the “pay off” for me too is all of you! You are what inspire AWD and me.
A shout-out to Sharon. I love that a married woman participates in this space. Goes to show AWD is for everyone!
Deborah (DZ) I absolutely remember your comment from six months ago….I was having really nice day yesterday when @ 430p for whatever reason, shxx started to hit the fan. By 9p I had nothing left. After getting my daughter to bed I found myself still clothed and asleep atop my bed. By 11p I woke myself out of a nightmare, heart palpitations and all! In my sleep state I fumbled for my keys knowing exactly where I was headed. Then I regained my sanity…Simultaneously my phone alerted me with your comment, it brought me to tears. I specifically relate to “walking, singing one of our favorite songs” and “I truly had no idea what we were going to do”. (Many times my daughter asks questions that I do not know the answers to, in fact, she now tells me to ask my “phone” 
). I love your honesty, we (parents) don’t know everything and instead of trying to be the “perfect parent” your tenacity and courage lead by example, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way” my mantra! Rock on wit ur bad self, DZ! And thank you for revisiting AWD and your kind words, they truly are words of encouragement. BTW you might love our new forum, Click Here a space to discuss, debate, laugh and cry about any topic you’d like!
Always,
Daniella
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