Comments on: Parenting Divorce Support | Keep out of Reach of Children

By: Siggie

Siggie — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 21:19:59 +0000

CL:

Children do absorb the divorce and rightfully, they should, since living in the reality that is their life is important. It is, often, that one child in a family takes more of the burden, either since he/she is older and therefore become the protector of the others. There might be other factors playing a role as to why your sister is the one that came out of this more hurt and scarred. I’m glad to hear that at least you feel as you survived it the best way possible; having a good approach no matter what happens to you in life is sometimes the difference in the quality of life of you actually have.

Jonathan,

Thank you, that is very compelling.

Siggie

By: Daniella

Daniella — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 20:48:45 +0000

Although my divorce and child were not dragged through the court system my ex-husband and I have sprayed horrific words onto one another in front of our daughter. While I have learned from mistakes I have also at times, regretfully, regressed.

My ex-husband is naturally defensive – add me to the mix and he literally goes nuts! He shouted abominable comments to me in front of our daughter last week as they were leaving for their summer vacation. 6 years later and no matter what I say or how I say it he just unleashes his fury and in front of our daughter. Painfully biting my tongue I had tears running down my face induced by his bloody words. I tried to escape w/out retaliation. But his last comment, (a quote from his girlfriend) threw me into a tailspin. And, I too threw out one nasty comment. I was more upset that I lost control in front of my daughter. No child should ever be subjected to a father’s and/or mother’s wrath towards one another, ever.

Damn it, I know better! But clearly needed this reminder!

Always,
Daniella

By: C. L.

C. L. — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:09:02 +0000

i completely agree. Luckily (I say “luckily” only because I see my situation as the best of two evils), my parents divorced when I was 2 years old, too young to have understood what was going on. My older sister, on the other hand, was 5 years old and to this day remembers fights they had. Even though the divorce ended very civilly and to this day my parents are about as friendly as a pair of divorcees can be, my sister is deeply seeded with a sense of distrust toward male figures which she has been unable to grow out of, whereas I never even think about it.

even though children should never be caught in the middle of a divorce, they are like sponges and can absorb a lot more than what they are given credit for, down to every syllable of body language that is going back and forth between the parents. I consider myself lucky that I missed out on the worst part of divorce.

By: Jonathan

Jonathan — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 14:14:42 +0000

Wow! Very well said Siggie! An article that should be read, printed out, hung up on the cork board, read again and repeatedly re-read every morning by everyone who has children (whether currently going through a divorce or not). It’s sad how our children are having their collective innocence stolen by having to be dragged through adult issues such as divorce and all the dirty laundry created by the same. Even more sad is that with all of the wisdom we can pass on, the majority of people going through it will likely make the same tragic mistake (speaking as a someone who didn’t always do the best job of hiding my emotions myself). I know people (some very close to me) who are making the same mistakes on a daily basis and I can’t step in and save their children from this hurtful warfare. It is a very helpless feeling and the wounds that are being inflicted are seldom seen immediately, but run VERY deep! For my part, we are just beginning to heal some of our family wounds as my ex and I are making a concerted effort to work together for the benefit of our children. Our deep and unconditional love for them is a common ground we can always agree on, so we start there and that gives us something to build on.

Looking forward to reading more from you in the future! Thanks.

Jonathan

By: lars

lars — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 19:20:39 +0000

Right on!!!
That is pretty much nailing it!