This is a follow up tread to my "Warning Sign" post in the main blog Click Here to Read - Warning Sign Feel free to comment.
About this topic
- Posted by Adam 1 year ago. There are 3 posts. The latest reply is from cjjcmg.
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How are these? (keep in mind, I realize that I am no picnic by any measure either)
- She slept with her chiropractor while we were dating and we broke up for 6 months (obviously I took her back... won't ever make THAT mistake again)
- Her pet name was "the Frat Boy" for the messes she would leave around the house
- She encouraged me to explore interests with other women (later in our marriage) if I felt inclined to do so. She knew that men had needs and didn't want me to feel "torn"
(I'm actually, literally shaking my head and laughing as I type these... they are NOT bullshit. True story)
- Jumped from one relationship to another (usually by way of infidelity) when she was younger, never really being alone or self-reliant
Hmmmm, all this and I actually had the nerve to be SURPRISED when she had an affair with the contractor who was working on our house?
And AGAIN, in retrospect; They BOTH did me a HUGE favor! 2.5 yrs post marriage, I have NEVER been happier or living a fuller life.
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Little late chiming in but better late than never!
Ah, the signs of which we do not heed. The one question that Tom Lykis (ya, I went there) always asked people who were in a poor marriage was, "Did you know this before you got married?" The answer was always yes. My answer is a resounding yes!
I knew my ex was crazy, flirtatious and the life of the party, I liked it. I knew my ex was bulimic and bi-polar, unfortunately I never got this clinically proven which would have been helpful for child custody. I knew my ex's family was splintered and that it took tremendous effort to get them together just for holiday's, completely opposite to my family. She didn't put a whole lot of effort to get along with my family, and my family responded by creating distance, I should have followed suit. Get this, I knew she didn't have patience for kids, pretty much didn't want them in the beginning, I still had kids with her not knowing, only hoping she would make a good mother.
The problem is I'm a helper, I work harder fixing others than myself. I thought my belief in a strong family, my huge heart and my supportive nature would rub off on her. It didn't. Who was I to think I could change her character. Only she could change it. She didn't. I married her anyway, hoping, wishing, so badly that I sat back confidently. My fault.
When I speak to anyone about my experience I give this advice. Step back and really look at a person before you make what should be a life-long contract. Now that you know the person, would you fall for them if you just met them? What do your friends and family think of your future mate? They see it clearly, know you well and are usually right. Is this the person you would introduce to your current children, if you had them? They are not only the one who is going to meet your children in the near future, but they will be bound to them for the rest of their lives . . . bound to you for the rest of your life!
I look back and the signs are now clear. The signs are like the bright red, octagonal sign that prompts that good ol' "California Stop". Stop now before you end up in traffic school, er, marriage/divorce/co-parenting therapy. I hate divorce. If only they had comedy therapy!
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